Post by Linda on Feb 23, 2015 21:09:49 GMT
Original idea by Akbar Le Grey
By Charlie
So I know that this month's 667er is like 16 days late. So don't judge me. I was away, and then I had things on, and then I was trying to make it work, and now I'm frantically trying to get it done before tomorrow. But trust me guys. It's worth it. So much good has gone into this edition, it's not even funny. Like we've had a lot of participation this time guys. Not enough, but still more than usual! So that's awesome. Also, big shout out to the organisers of Big Brother 667 for setting up a mini-task that helps us. WOO. Also, sorry if this is completely illegible due to the average human being's propensity for making errors in grammar, punctuation, spellling and meaning. Unfortunately due to time constraints Anka was unable to proofread. Also, look out for our politically themed joke segment! Such fun! Also, if anything you sent in to me didn't make it into this edition, please PM me and be all "oh magee, why didn't you put my picture of begonias into the 667er huh?" and I'll edit it in right away.
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For those of you who don't remember my old Top 10 column, I take a topic and rank things in no particular order. The list is based on whatever pops into my mind at that particular time. It's arbitrary and pointless like most fun things. So let's get to it. Based on the success of my recent fics I thought I'd put together a list that details my writing process. Enjoy!
Top 10 Stages to Writing a 667Fic
1. Look for inspiration.
Usually rampant in Menacing Miscellaneous.
2. Start with a striking image.
This is a great way to frame the story.
3. Think about where your main characters are going.
But don't tell the readers right away.
4. Let things change if they're not going the way you wanted.
An originally wacky plot can become a sweet love story.
5. Cast your friends as characters.
Because everyone loves to read about themselves.
6. Listen to criticism.
You're not as great as you think you are.
7. Mystery is your friend.
It keeps people coming back.
8. Sometimes the best parts of a story are unplanned.
Duck didn't exist until just before I wrote that chapter.
9. Steal shamelessly from other sources.
Never acknowledge them, just call it an homage if you're caught.
10. Profit??
?
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Lemona Expresses Displeasure
How Hard is it to Look up, People?
A man walks into a bar. He is second to be served (that is, there’s one person queuing in front of him). Unfortunately, he scarcely notices he that he’s about to be served because the football’s on and he needs to see what’s happening by way of his phone (assuming this bar doesn’t happen to have a TV playing sports). If the bar people are wise, after a few instances like this, they will put up a sign similar to one I once saw in a sushi store, to the effect of : if you are busy with your phone we will serve someone else before you.
A woman walks up to me. She’s an acquaintance of mine and we have something or other to discuss. However, the conversation is fragmented because Facebook is gripping. (Well, it’s not.)
My favourite scenario: a person walks up to a manhole and falls in because they were checking to see where a friend had been on Tumblr yet.
I think these pieces of narrative speak for themselves. I always feel like something of a) a bore, b) an interruption or c) a piece of air when a conversation breaks off mid-way for these causes. The manhole idea makes me feel malicious, which I prefer.
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Teleram's Untitled Serial Story
by Teleram
"Well, here we are," Stuart sighed, looking up from the map.
"Here we are," Robert agreed. He read the big, flashing sign above them.
CAFE SMEARBUNS
"Cafe Smearbuns?" Robert said again, confused. "We're supposed to meet the guy here? Of all places?"
"I checked and double-checked," Stuart replied. "This is the place. C'mon, Agent Fred is waiting for us." He stuffed the map inside his backpack and got inside the restaurant. Robert followed.
Cafe Smearbuns looked like any other restaurant the duo had been to. It had some paintings on the walls, some plants in vases on wooden tables, and waiters walking about, talking to customers. It had yellow wallpaper that was starting to peel off.There was nothing particularly weird about the restaurant, except for the name.
"Look, I think that's him," Stuart said, pointing with his chin. He was pointing to a man sitting on a table in a far corner of the restaurant, where the wallpaper had already somehow peeled off, and nobody seemed to have sat there for a very long time. But a man sat there now, with a mustache that was probably fake, a black trenchcoat that was dripping wet, although it was sunny outside. He wore an orange and blue striped bowler hat and pants, and giant shoes that a clown would typically wear. He topped this all off with a pair of sunglasses.
This man, with the strange hat and pants and the clown shoes on his feet, was supposed to be a very important man from The Organization, a secret organization that Agents Robert and Stuart were a part of. He was the one giving Robert and Stuart the mission. The two rarely ever had a mission. They were both very young and inexperienced members.
The two walked up to the man. "Are you Agent Fred?" Robert asked.
"No, I'm the Queen of England," Agent Fred said sarcastically. He had a deep, rough voice, like a bad guy in an action movie. "Have a seat or something."
The duo did as Fred told them to, and pulled out two chairs and sat on them.
"You're Agents Robert and Stuart, right?" Fred grunted. "Or Rob and Stu, as everyone else calls you back at The Organization?"
"No, we're aliens from another planet," Stuart grumbled. He was very tired from walking so much to this dumb cafe, and Fred was being quite rude to him and Robert, which made him feel grumpy to add to his tiredness.
Fred shot Stuart a look, and gave him a small envelope that seemed wet as Fred's trenchcoat. It read "Classified" in big, red letters on the front. Typical for The Organization.
"In that envelope is a sheet of paper describing your mission, you hoodlums." explained Fred. "It's very important, so don't lose it. Seriously. Don't lose it."
Robert started to open the envelope.
"No, don't open it now, right here, where people can see you!" Fred exclaimed. "Put it in your pocket or wallet or someplace. You can open it later." He looked at his watch. "Look, I gotta run. Just do what the envelope tells you to, and remember: don't lose it." Fred told Robert and Stuart, and suddenly he was walking out of the cafe, his giant shoes making noise as he walked, leaving Robert and Stuart staring at the small, wet envelope, waiting to be opened.
To be continued..
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Mr Pen,
I need your help! Recently I found myself wrapped up in a situation that I can't escape. Literally. I'm trapped in a house with twelve other people that I don't know. Sometimes I hear a voice that tells us what to do but we never see its face. Also sometimes the voice changes from a female to a male one. I think I'm going mad. What can I do?
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Dear reader,
Most people agree that the best way to get out of a situation like that is to wait until all the other people are dead and claim you prize. That makes sense, right?
-Pen
Dear Fredy,
I'm taking part in a vicious and cutthroat reality show with many of my friends. Part of the game is that each week we have to vote off two players and give rationale for our nominations. Unfortunately, I've found myself living with some of my bestest friends and I can't bear parting with any of them. What should I do to calm my heavy conscience? How can I justify voting off friends who don't deserve to leave?
Thank you for your help,
Burdened Soul
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Dear Burdened Soul,
You gotta understand that there's a thing called the school of life. You're in it right now. In this school, you got no friends. You got yourself. That's the first lesson. The second one is put yourself first. And the third one is eyes on the prize. If you can't deal with that well maybe you just can't handle life. Say what?
(this could totally be a different column called deal with it)
-Pen
Dear Pen,
My dog has become very grumpy lately, and he keeps growling at other doggies he sees when we walk together. How do I get him to chill the ickle out?
Thank you,
Sophie
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Dear Sophie,
Normally I would make an awful joke suggesting you put him to sleep, but now I'm going to be cool and give you some good advice. Whisper stuff to him. Trust me on this one, there's a whole show about it. It works.
-Pen
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A Night at the Theatre
By Bandit
Broadway’s latest bit of excellency, “Phantom of the Opera”, is simply wonderful. It tells the beautiful story of a lonely, misunderstood man who spends his days playing the organ in the basement of an opera house. Through a series of unfair events, his lifelong crush refuses to go out with him, even when he becomes humble and dolefully covers his handsome face with a mask.
Not only was this a thrilling and emotional play, it was also truly inspiring. For although I could never bring myself to hide away my wonderful profile, with my perfect Grecian nose or attractively pouty lips, I could not help but sympathize greatly with the so-called “phantom.” (Indeed, maybe he was a phantom after all-- but a kind and unique one, like Casper.) Unlike this ghosty fellow, I myself am not very fond of the performing arts, but I can certainly understand his plight to attract the lovely lady. Whether she was a touching singer or not does not matter; I am a firm believer in a good-hearted man getting what he wants. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of karma?
I must say, however, my absolute favorite part of this play was the (in my opinion) climactic scene: the point at which the opera house’s chandelier went falling from the ceiling. It was intense, it was humorous, it was absolute euphoria to watch. While on the edge of my seat, I was instantly reminded of the time I threw glass shards at the young lass who I lured into my basement dwelling. If I’m being honest, Broadway has recently shown a drastic improvement in the relatability of their shows’ characters. Bravo! Hats off! Encore!
On a scale of one to ten, one being shallots and ten being mayonnaise, I give “Phantom of the Opera” an eight. I now happily await the arrival of my ticket for “Hamlet”, as I am interested to see if the protagonist murdered his uncle the same way I did.
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Regrettably, much like the title of Guest Writer, I have to announce the title of Guest Artist is no longer. Instead this column will be named "Picture of Charlie". Enjoy
Pictures of Charlie
By Charlie
NOTE: THIS SECTION IS AS OF YET EMPTY. PLEASE WAIT UNTIL I CAN BE BOTHERED FILLING IT IN. AT THAT POINT THE IMAGES WILL MAGICALLY APPEAR
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This month's filler
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ADVERTISEMENTS
Don't sell yourself short
Unless you literally are some sort of sex worker, and a leprechaun with a lot of gold is interested
Even then, please try to reconsider.
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A JOKE BROUGHT TO YOU BY...THIS ONE GUY/ME/OUR SPONSORS
What do you call Australia's current Prime Minister?
HAHAHAHA
Or alternatively if you're not so into Australian politics,
Why did Sally fall off the swing
Because she was a cabbage
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LEARN JAPANESE REALLY SLOWLY
By Charlie
One- Ichi- いち- 一
Two- Ni- に- 二
Three- San- さん- 三
Four- Yon- よん- 四
Five- Go- ご- 五
Six- Roku- ろく- 六
Seven- Shichi- しち- 七
Eight- Hachi- はち- 八
Nine- Kyuu- きゅう- 九
Ten- Jyuu- じゅう- 十
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This month's happy thoughts come from this scary video on youtube. Enjoy.
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And after that absolute gem comes a column which, although not necessarily exciting looking to all, is actually quite wonderful.
Yes I stole this again. Sue me (not really, I'm pretty poor).
This month I asked three 667ers some groundbreaking questions (four if you don't count the beautiful couple that is Anka and MrM as one, but I always do, soooooo). The answers I got astounded me!!! Read on to be astounded:
First the ever mysterious Lemona's answers!:
1.What do you do in your day-to-day routine?
Mostly I spend much too much time on the internet.
2. Name some hobbies of yours.
Editing pictures, writing, baking, and a couple more things that will only make this list sound more boring.
3. What is your biggest flaw?
My procrastination. No matter how important something is, I often can’t move myself to get it done..
4. Sum yourself up in three words.
Optimistic, angry and private, if they have to be adjectives.
5. How many films do you see at the cinema in an average calendar year?
Very few. One or maybe two.
6. Do you believe you'll still be active on 667 in two years from now?
More likely yes than no. But if I were - say, tomorrow – attacked by a band of fierce weasels who kept me imprisoned in their lair for over 104 weeks as an object of perverted fascination, “no” may be more likely.
7. Will you be purchasing the newest installment in All The Wrong Questions?
I pre-ordered it from a supply shack deep in South America a couple days ago.
8. With the advent of the "liking" system, do you find yourself becoming particularly conscious about "likes"?
To be honest, I don’t. For the most part, I am opposed to the liking system as part of my pointless and ridiculously stubborn distaste for the new layout.
9. Why do you read the 667er?
In any order: a) to see if there’s anything worth checking out, b) to read Charles’s amusing editorial and c) to ensure my rant is getting enough worship and hasn’t been messed up.
10. What has been the main thing keeping you at this forum, for whatever period of time you've been here?
I guess the fact that a lot of the people here are like-minded.
11. Who is your favourite One Direction member?
Well, I don’t remember his name, but he’s got this kind of long tail covered in scales, webbed fingers, an exo-skull and the ability to walk on water.
Eh? Oh, you can’t see him – he’s, like, invisible to human eyes, but he’s there whenever the other members are, staring over their shoulders with pupils the colour of flour. The others have to put on painfully brave faces.
12. You have to bestow the powers of one Justice League member to your worst enemy, which power do you choose? Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and Wonder Woman are your options (For your information). If you're unable to come up with a suitable answer, write us a haiku explaining why
Ok, so I am not familiar with the Justice League, so I’m going to take the options completely at face value.The most obvious choice would be Martian Manhunter, as the main curse would be the ambiguity of the name unless it was written down.
“What do you call yourself?”
“Martian Manhunter, sir, no matter what you have heard Lemona call me.”
“Huh. Are you a martian who hunts men or a hunter of martianmen?”
13. What is your favourite thing about libraries?
They are the closest you can get to being alone at home having a peaceful time when you’re out in public.
14. If you were in my place, and was to ask you any question, which would you ask?
Well, I would address myself in this fashion: “Lemona, should you buy Charles a vacuum-cleaner as a subtle gift?”
OH. Sorry. You meant “in my place” as “in my position” not “in my home”. Too late now, I’ll just go with it.
15. What would be the answer to this question.
Yes.
16. What is your favourite character from Winnie-The-Pooh, the original book. If you've not read it, give an estimate.
Most definitely Roo, particularly for the scene that involved him and Tigger temporarily “living in a tree”. He was so happy the whole time, no matter what happened.
17. Do you shampoo daily? If not, what is your regular showering schedule? Do you use conditioner?
Well, no, but I do shower daily. What does showering have to do with how often one shampoos? One can shampoo one’s hair without being in a shower (though I can’t – I have too much hair). Yes, I use a very suspicious conditioner: it looks yellow, but from some angles appears to have a slimy orange sheen, like toads’ poison.
18. What is your favourite word at the moment? You may list up to twelve.
I am always making lists of my least favourite words, but I can think of seven that I actually like.
Status, wagon, store (“store” must sound like the most boring word on Earth, I realise), elk, melancholy, anguish, mezzanine.
19. If you were to recommend any not commonly known about thing to the members of 667, what would you recommend?
The band Rasputina is great. Look them up. As in, right now, so you won’t forget. A good starting song might be The Ole Headboard, which also has a pretty interesting music video.
20. Name five things that money can buy you that it shouldn't be able to.
Much as I wish I could complete the requirements of this question, I find that beyond two - bottled water and the admiration of certain people – I cannot think of others.
EXCITING!
Next up is Bee!:
1. What do you do in your day-to-day routine?
Wake up, glance at 667/facebook/gmail/tumblr, make breakfast for my family, spend about 10 mins on hair and makeup, go out, go to school. For lunch I'll walk down to the village with friends, then when I get home I'll go online/go out with friends. And then before dinner I'll shower/go for a walk/mess around with my sisters for a bit. In the evenings I do homework, play flute, watch stargate with Zahra and then call Sherry Ann. Pretty mundane weekdays, really.
2. Name some hobbies of yours.
Flute, team sports (currently netball, vollyball and hockey), creative writing. I have mundane hobbies.
3. What is your biggest flaw?
Just one? I'm messy. I'm mageey. I'm self absorbed and arrogant. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to myself and I'm also extremely scatterbrained.
4. Sum yourself up in three words.
No. I. Won't.
5. How many films do you see at the cinema in an average calendar year?
More than 20, less than 30.
6. Do you believe you'll still be active on 667 in two years from now?
God, I hope not. I can see myself logging in, but posting less and less.
7. Will you be purchasing the newest installment in All The Wrong Questions?
Ya
8. With the advent of the "liking" system, do you find yourself becoming particularly conscious about "likes"?
Not particularly. I "like" the feature, and I guess it's nice when someone thumbs up a post of mine. I also like the fact that they help you see who's on your side- particularly in an argument, but I guess it's a bad thing too because I can see how it would be cliquey. I don't have to mention any names, but some likes from some people clearly mean more than others, and that could be negative.
9. Why do you read the 667er?
Because it is produced by you.
10. What has been the main thing keeping you at this forum, for whatever period of time you've been here?
The people, undeniably. I generally like most people here, but as with any social group, you're gonna be closer with some than others. It's more fun to discuss 667 off-board than to post here, which is why the people really hold 667 together.
11. Who is your favourite One Direction member?
Any one out of Niall, Zayn, Harry.
12. You have to bestow the powers of one Justice League member to your worst enemy, which power do you choose? Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and Wonder Woman are your options (For your information). If you're unable to come up with a suitable answer, write us a haiku explaining why
Imma write haiku,
What kind of question is this?
Charlie, u high bro?
13. What is your favourite thing about libraries?
Um, well as long as you're literate you can basically go there and learn anything- from books or the internet. Because knowledge is really an invaluable gift, and the fact that it's freely available to so many people from every background is a gift that's overlooked, I think.
14. If you were in my place, and was to ask you any question, which would you ask?
What is your favourite subject at school?
15. What would be the answer to this question
Wait- I thought you meant I was asking you that question? You want me to answer the one I just wrote? Maths/Physics/Spanish.
16. What is your favourite character from Winnie-The-Pooh, the original book. If you've not read it, give an estimate.
Tigger
17. Do you shampoo daily? If not, what is your regular showering schedule? Do you use conditioner?
Yes of course I shower and wash my hair daily. And I do do conditioner. I favour the strawberry scented kind, or anything that looks vaguely pink inside the bottle.
18. What is your favourite word at the moment? You may list up to twelve.
Chicanery
19. If you were to recommend any not commonly known about thing to the members of 667, what would you recommend?
Scotland
20. Name five things that money can buy you that it shouldn't be able to.
Guns. I have an absolute phobia of guns.
Sex, I guess, because it's morally wrong, and the people selling it are often in a desperate situation.
Happiness. I think- to a certain extent- money does buy happiness, and it shouldn't really be this way but it is.
I can't think of anymore.
And finally, our resident lovestruck couple, who are so romantically intertwined, even their answers got entangled with each other!:
(Note, due to the state this made its way to me in, I've had to marginally edit this interview to enhance legibility)
1. What do you do in your day-to-day routine?
A: I don't really have much of one now I'm starting university.
M: I tend to lay around all day lookin' sexy and stuff.
2. Name some hobbies of yours.
A: Colouring things, learning languages I will never speak with anyone, making a language of my own, and music stuff. Also reading.
M: Writing, reading… Hmm, I only have two.
A: Talking to strange people on the internet?
M: I saw someone once who said one of their hobbies was being popular.
A: Lol, well then mine is having no friends.
3. What is your biggest flaw?
M: I'm too awesome.
A: I don't know....
4. Sum yourself up in three words.
M: Sex on legs.
A: Sex on arms?
5. How many films do you see at the cinema in an average calendar year?
M: 0
A: 0.2. I don't like the cinema because there are people and their eating noises are annoying, and also the films themselves are much too loud.
M: Same. The last film I saw was the last Harry Potter.
A: Mine was after that but I didn't see any the 5 years before that.
M: BTW i hate 3D films.
6. Do you believe you'll still be active on 667 in two years from now?
A: Yes. I will probably be less active than now when university starts, but that's probably still very active.
M: Yes, I will probably still be the same as normal, only older.
7. Will you be purchasing the newest installment in All The Wrong Questions?
A: It's already pre-ordered. But I will probably have it a few days later than everyone else because I live on another planet or something.
M: I never really order books. I like just looking for somewhere and buying it. Last year when I bought ?1 at my local bookstore, they didn't even have the books on the shelves by the late afternoon, but someone managed to find a copy for me. I will probably do the same with ?2.
A: Well I can't look for it here and buy it because it won't be anywhere.
8. With the advent of the "liking" system, do you find yourself becoming particularly conscious about "likes"?
A: No. I sometimes missed a like function before we had one and I like liking posts. I also look at who liked my posts but it's just for fun and because I have nothing better to do, but I don't feel bad if nobody does.
M: Same.
9. Why do you read the 667er?
Anka : Because I'm the proofreader. Somehow not last time, but anyway.
Mister M: Because I'm bored
10. What has been the main thing keeping you at this forum, for whatever period of time you've been here?
A: First Tiago's fic (I think that was before I even joined), then the first ATWQ book and the books in general, now I think it's mostly the people. Especially one person but I'm apparently not allowed to say that because it's annoying or something.
M: Anka.
11. Who is your favourite One Direction member?
A: What direction?
M: I don’t know any of their names…. I thought there were four of them till I saw five the other day. But maybe that’s wrong. Also, how can something called "one" have more than one person?
12. You have to bestow the powers of one Justice League member to your worst enemy, which power do you choose? Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and Wonder Woman are your options (For your information). If you're unable to come up with a suitable answer, write us a haiku explaining why.
M:
I don't like DC
Their comics are so stupid
So....erm...yeah.... y'know
A:
I don't know because
I don't know all these people
Because I'm stupid
13. What is your favourite thing about libraries?
A: Books?
M: I like that it's a good place to plot revenge in silence.
A: Revenge against what?
M: The world.
A: Oh. I live there
M: Oh. Well move.
A: Where?
M: With me.
A: Okay.
14. If you were in my place, and was to ask you any question, which would you ask?
M: I would ask "why are you so lazy?"
A: "What question can I ask?"
15. What would be the answer to this question
M: Well, you tell me.
A: I don’t know.
16. What is your favourite character from Winnie-The-Pooh, the original book. If you've not read it, give an estimate.
M: The narrator.
A: [No Response]
17. Do you shampoo daily? If not, what is your regular showering schedule? Do you use conditioner?
M: "Y" in that order.
A: I wash my hair every three days, always more than two hours before I go to bed because I'm to lazy to do anything to make it dry faster. I shower between there. The skin on my head would kill me.
M: Samessssssssssssssssssssssss.
18. What is your favourite word at the moment? You may list up to twelve.
A: I hate all words when I have thought about them as words for a moment.
M: Yessssssssssssssssss.
19. If you were to recommend any not commonly known about thing to the members of 667, what would you recommend?
M: I don't have any answers for that, lol. [Presumably neither does Anka]
20. Name five things that money can buy you that it shouldn't be able to.
A: I think this questions could ask for two kinds of things: 1. things that nobody should have no matter how much money they have like cigarettes (in my opinion).
M: And alcohol.
A: 2. Things that everyone should have as much of as they want or need like education. I think people also shouldn't be able to buy physical beauty.
M: Well, I would argue you cant buy that.
A: I mean like operations stuff, but also make-up and stuff.
M: I think operations and make-up and stuff make people less beautiful. If I see someone with lots of make-up on and someone says to me 'look that person looks pretty' then I would think 'okay maybe, but I would want to take the make up off first because I don't know otherwise'. But then I also think that people who are less obviously beautiful are more pretty. Like when girls have lots of spots and freckles and stuff because that's cute, and I hate it when girls try to hide that they have that, sometimes. I think if you want someone to like you, and they don't know you have freckles, then they might like you, and then see you have freckles and then not like you anymore, and then it was all a waste of time. But anyway. Yes. That.
A: Also sex.
M: What, now?
A: I mean Sex is not anything everyone should get, and also not anything nobody should get, but it is something you shouldn't be able to buy.
M: Yes. I also kind of think the whole thing of people paying for sex and stuff is just kind of ew.
A: Yes, it is.
M: I think if i did that i would feel so guilty like i would want to die.
A: I think we should have more things now.
M: But we've rambled on a bit now. Everyone might have left.
A: Hmm, yes.
M: We could say anything and nobody would know.
A: Like what?
M: IDK. Credit card details.
A: Oh. Well don't.
M: Okay, I'll just leave then.
>Mister M leaves<
>Anka has some choclate, smiles, then leaves<
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And now, thanks to spending like hours on that, my gammy eye is playing up. Terribly. So I have to go to sleep now. Apologies
asoue.proboards.com/thread/32648/revived-667er-edition-viii